Hi everyone, this is actually Elisa Ung, defecting from the Second Helpings blog for the night to fill in for Virginia Rohan. Do not miss this fascinating piece Virginia wrote for today’s paper about the effects that reality TV can have on children. Which brings us to tonight’s RHONJ episode…
Doesn’t it seem as if they’ve been in California all season? This episode opens with Teresa talking dirty to her husband, Rich Wakile actually getting behind the wheel of one of those campers and Al Manzo, as usual, playing the part of stoic adult.
Meanwhile, we get a lesson in how hard friendships are to maintain when one or both friends routinely blab to national magazines. In the Gorga/Giudice camper, Melissa complains to Teresa that she’s been publicly bashing the rest of them. Teresa’s defense goes something like this: “Tell you the truth, after the magazines were in, you can’t do nothing about it. It’s like, why cry over spilled milk?” Melissa suggests not speaking negatively of any of the Housewives in the future. Teresa nods, noncommittal.
In the Manzo/Laurita trailer, the Manzos are trashing Teresa and Jacqueline is, somewhat meekly, protesting. “If you care about somebody, you don’t just shut it off like that,” she says. The whole scene is straight out of Season 1, where Jacqueline clung to her friendship with Danielle Staub over the protests of her family. In fact, I could swear poor Jac said almost the exact same thing about Danielle.
As the campers arrive at the beautiful Lancaster estate, Teresa screams to her husband, “I want to do you in one of those vineyards!” Melissa advises: ”There’s nothing like a sex tape to get your career going.” I am only grateful that Melissa’s husband is not a part of this conversation.
The whole point of this trip, other than to torture viewers, is some business deal Chris Laurita has to do sales and marketing for Levendi Wines. “I will not tolerate any *** because at that point it could *** up my career,” says Chris, with a stern-Daddy look on his face. Foreshadowing??
Winemaker Allison Doran tells them that her barrels cost up to $1,000. “I could get them for about $850,” brags Juicy Joe Giudice. Then he gives his glass of cabernet to Rich Wakile and says “I’m hungry. Wanna go?” Much eye rolling from Manzo types.
Teresa doesn’t know why they’re taking everything so personally. “It’s supposed to be fun, not work.”
“I hope everyone didn’t come all the way from New Jersey for nothing,” says the winemaker.
Then something truly scary happens. Al Manzo drops the cool-guy act and loses it on Juicy, which is sort of like the pilot panicking as the plane goes down. And it’s over fried chicken, of all things. Juicy insists that back in Jersey, there used to be a KFC where a car wash is now. Manzo knows better. “You’re absolutely on crack,” he says. “You’re a loser.”
The next scene takes place at Lancaster, and I’m not sure what those winemakers have to do with anything, but the juvenile Joes, Gorga and Juicy, insult them by mocking a statue in their cave, and Lauren Manzo blindfolds her mom and shoves her into a big black vehicle. Turns out it’s a surprise 50th birthday dinner for Caroline in the vineyards! Caroline’s kids take turns saying how wonderful she is, and Juicy chimes in, saying “We should still continue the friendship. Never mind the bull ****.”
Then came THE CALL, which Bravo has been teasing all week: “THE PHONE CALL YOU’VE BEEN WAITING TO HEAR!” You can watch the sordid scene here, but essentially Juicy gets a text and says he has to call his work. “Hey, What are you doing?” he says. When Teresa starts moving toward him, he says, “Hold on, here she comes, my b***** wife, she’s such a (nasty word that starts with a c)…I’m gonna hang up. I’m gonna talk to you, like, whenever.”
He insists to his wife he’s talking to a worker, and even gives some orders in Italian for good measure. Teresa seems to believe him, because next thing you know she’s dragging him into the grapes and begging for a tryst. “I AIN’T DOING IT,” Juicy hollers, like a five-year-old.
(Teresa told In Touch magazine earlier this week that she was humiliated by the call – which she saw in an earlier preview – and would leave Joe if this kept up.)
(And right about now I got a text from Virginia: “That scene was awful, wasn’t it?”)
Cut to Rich Wakile, who for once does have a point. “This guy doesn’t even want you in the bedroom. What makes you think he’s going to want to do you on gravel?”
Later, the women are getting ready for some fancy dinner – Jac is curling Teresa’s hair and Kathy is styling Caroline’s. Some talk about how Teresa is BFF-ing it up with Melissa and ignoring Kathy.
When they sit down for dinner, Teresa gives a toast in which she thanks Chris and Jacqueline, says happy birthday to Caroline and says she and Joe have loved spending time with her bro and Melissa. Not a word about Kathy. Caroline refuses to lift her glass, in protest.
“I just wanted to get up and leave,” Caroline says. You and me both, sister. Thank goodness I don’t have to do this every week. Oh wait, she was talking about dinner.
Well, the drama isn’t over. We’ve got a preview of next week’s episode that features Teresa screaming at Kathy, Caroline screaming at Teresa, and Juicy screaming at Caroline (I know who I’d bet on in that last one). Will any tables be flipped? Oh, for a time when that was the only drama….