So many minutes, so few interesting things to fill the airtime.
Week three of the retreat at Lake George saw Dr. V. achieving the impossible: Getting the Gorgas and the Giudices to kiss and make up. Or, in the case of Teresa and Melissa, hug and make up. I say impossible — not seemingly impossible — because in real life, deep-seated feuds, relationship issues and personality flaws cannot be resolved without hard work and intensive, longer than-one-weekend-therapy. Unless, of course, it’s not a real feud, but one that’s made up — and patched up — for the sake of ratings. So, sorry, Bravo, I can’t go along with your whole narrative thread and talk about how they all achieved a “breakthrough” that weekend. Hogwash!
But let’s all pretend for a minute that everything is now peachy and that it makes sense for Caroline Manzo — who not that long ago told Teresa that she can’t stand the sight of her — to have gone running up to the Inn at Erlowest to help Teresa patch things up with her brother. So now, Caroline’s just hanging with the group, announcing that she’s not doing any cooking, but expects to be served dinner. And she lets the other “girls” — Teresa, Kathy Wakile and Melissa – do the cooking while the “boys” and Kathy’s sister Rosie go ice-fishing. (Actually, Melissa just gets drunk while the other two cook.)
Watching the two Joes, Rosie, Rich Wakile (and a baffled-looking guide) on a frozen Lake George was about as exciting as doing laundry, though I did like this exchange between Rosie and the guide:
Rosie: “Did anybody ever die on this lake?”
Guide: “People die on this lake every year.”
They managed to not fall through the ice — which didn’t look too solid in spots — and to come home without any fish. They did, however, use the “F” bomb about 100 times in the space of five minutes. And they continued their chatter about the physical attributes of Dr. V, because, hey, if you don’t understand what a psychologist does for a living, the least you can do is objectify the woman.
No matter how ridiculous an episode of “RHONJ,” is, though, there are always some good quotes. So, here are my favorites from this week’s episode:
“I wanted to address certain issues that I have with Teresa, but I guess I’m not that important.” Kathy Wakile
“If I’m not back in 24 hours, call the troops, dredge the water.” Caroline, about the Lake George trip, to Jacqueline Laurita.
“It’s not good for your makeup, cooking. I’m gonna burn my eyelashes.” Melissa
“I don’t need to be locked up in a castle with an evil witch.” Jacqueline, about why she turned down Teresa’s invitation to go on the retreat.
“I’m not gonna lie. Juicy Joe is really heavy.” Melissa, on having caught Joe Giudice during a trust-building exercise.
“We’re on our date right now, talking about these morons.” Jacqueline, to husband Chris, while dining at Bon Giovanni in Ramsey.
“I don’t like to get into these conversations, because I do have a soft heart.” JOE GIUDICE!
“Jacqueline is a complete time bomb right now.” Caroline, about her sister-in-law.
As I’ve noted before, Jacqueline seems to be amping up her behavior and her language this season — because, my guess is, she wants to get more camera time. As my husband, who watched the episode with me last night, astutely commented, “She’s turned real weird, real quickly.”
That kind of thing happens a lot in “reality” television.
Until next week…..